Harper had a horse named Sassy and together they were super good at winning competitions.
This year Harper and Sassy had made it all the way to the Horsey State Competition.
Harper knew she was really good at the competitions so she didn't practice a whole lot.
Before they knew it the time had come for the competition both Harper and Sassy had been waiting for.
Harper was convinced she was going to win, she didn't even feel the need to try.
But Harper was wrong.
They fell short and by the time it was over they lost.
Harper was upset.
So upset she wanted to quit competing.
Harper's mom knew Harper shouldn't quit.
She was good, she just needed to be reminded of it.
So Harper's mom pushed her to get back to horse riding.
And pushed her
And pushed her
And pushed her.
Until she finally got back to it
And that is when Harper realized all she had to do was push herself
And she could accomplish anything.
Harper's mom knew Harper shouldn't quit.
She was good, she just needed to be reminded of it.
So Harper's mom pushed her to get back to horse riding.
And pushed her
And pushed her
And pushed her.
Until she finally got back to it
And that is when Harper realized all she had to do was push herself
And she could accomplish anything.
Harper was a 10 year old little girl who loved riding horses.
ReplyDeleteHarper had a horse named Sassy and together they were super good at winning competitions. (You could pick better word choice here,i.e. change super good to excellent or something)
This year Harper and Sassy had made it all the way to the Horsey State Competition.
Harper knew she was really good at the competitions so she didn't practice a whole lot.
Before they knew it the time had come for the competition both Harper and Sassy had been waiting for. (The transition here doesn't make much sense, add an event between this one and the previous one)
Harper was convinced she was going to win, she didn't even feel the need to try. (This is reiteration of a main point you already made, take out).
But Harper was wrong.
They fell short and by the time it was over they lost. (What do you mean "fell short"? Time wise?)
Harper was upset.
So upset she wanted to quit competing.
Harper's mom knew Harper shouldn't quit.
She was good, she just needed to be reminded of it.
So Harper's mom pushed her to get back to horse riding. (Is there a certain time frame you’re talking about here?)
And pushed her
And pushed her *Good use of repetition here
And pushed her.
Until she finally got back to it
And that is when Harper realized all she had to do was push herself
And she could accomplish anything.
Good idea for a story overall. You had good use of repetition and the ideas and story flowed well, good job!
Harper was a 10 year old little girl who loved riding horses.
ReplyDeleteHarper had a horse named Sassy and together they were super good at winning competitions.
This year Harper and Sassy had made it all the way to the Horsey State Competition.
Harper knew she was really good at the competitions so she didn't practice a whole lot.
Before they knew it the time had come for the competition both Harper and Sassy had been waiting for.
Harper was convinced she was going to win, she didn't even feel the need to try.
But Harper was wrong.
They fell short and by the time it was over they lost.
Harper was upset.
So upset she wanted to quit competing.
Harper's mom knew Harper shouldn't quit.
She was good, she just needed to be reminded of it. (Maybe add a quote from her mom speaking to Harper)
So Harper's mom pushed her to get back to horse riding.
And pushed her (Add details on how she started practicing again)
And pushed her
And pushed her.
Until she finally got back to it
And that is when Harper realized all she had to do was push herself
And she could accomplish anything (Could possibly add a short story from the next competition she competed in)
I really like how you have a clear and defined moral to this story and that it is straight to the point with no rambling. I also like the use of repetition you used in the story to add emphasis. I would add a detail at the end of the story talking about another competition that Harper competed in and possibly won after practicing so much.